Smart Like Dean
by staceycj
Summary: Weechester. Dean struggles to be smart like his little brother, while Sam wishes that he was smart like his big brother.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Here guys, I hope you like this. I was just feeling some weechester brotherly schmoop. I'm not too sure about it. Let me know what you think!

I always looked forward to going to Bobby's house. I felt safe there, I could protect Sam, and Bobby treated me like I was a real person. He didn't treat me like a hoodlum like the teachers at school did, he didn't whisper about how I wasn't going to amount to anything in life, like some of the adults around me did, and he didn't have a bet with other hunters on what age I was going to end up in prison. He cuffed me on the back of the head, worked on cars with me, asked me my opinion on stuff, and treated me special. I always liked it. It was the one place on earth where I was better than Sam, or at least where I was as important as my little brother.

Bobby never made fun of me or yelled at me because I didn't make good grades in school, didn't ask me what in the hell was wrong with me when I couldn't read books very fast, and he didn't make me feel stupid when I asked questions. The best thing was that he didn't make me read, didn't make me do the stuff I wasn't really good at. He asked me, he helped me, but he didn't make me. I liked that. I liked that because every once in a while, when I was with Bobby, I didn't feel stupid or worthless.

But, I should have known, that all of that would end eventually, that one of these days Bobby was going to become like the rest and like my little brother more than me, and want to do things with him rather than help me, or talk to me. I was simply too much work. Everyone said that when they didn't think I was around to hear. At my last school, I heard more than I wanted to. "Dean Winchester. What are we going to do with him?

"Him? Is he even capable of anything?" My science teacher asked. "I mean he never turns anything in." I didn't have paper or the crayons or stuff that she wanted me to have to color that cell. I understood it, I just didn't have the stuff she needed. "He's just lazy." I'm not lazy but I can't tell her that.

"Well, that boy is just more work than he's worth, in my opinion." My history teacher had said. They didn't like me, and they thought I was as worthless as they come. I doubt Sam's teachers ever talk about him like that. But then again, I make sure he has paper and coloring stuff and pens and pencils. I want him to be able to do whatever the teachers ask. He's smart. Really smart. I wish I was half as smart.

We left that school and came to Bobby's, and he enrolled us in school, and I thought that it was going to be great. I thought that I could finally have some attention, because no matter how I appear, I do want it, and that he would help me. I should have known better, Sam was older now, more talkative, nicer, and smarter. I should have known that Bobby was going to want to spend more time with him than me. I mean, I'm too much work, and I shouldn't expect Bobby to work at me forever.

I didn't think it would happen quite so soon after we got there though. I expected maybe a couple of days of Bobby time. I was wrong. It happened a couple of hours after we got there. I was all excited talking to Bobby about the classic car show that I managed to get dad to stop at long enough for me to just look at a couple of the really neat cars, when Sam had wandered to the back of the living room and picked up a book. I took a breath and Sam asked if he could read it. Bobby looked at me for a brief second before Sam informed him that he knew the family secret. That was all it took. Bobby got up and went to Sam. It shouldn't have been a shock to me that he and Bobby would hit it off. I mean, look around the guy's house. Books everywhere. And Sam wanted to read them. Wanted Bobby to explain which ones were best and he wanted to read them all. So, naturally, he and Bobby shared something that I would never understand. I can't read that well. And that settled the deal. Bobby would like Sam more than me. Just like everyone else. Just because I expected it doesn't mean it didn't hurt a little.

I watched the two of them talk about the books and researching, and I felt so outside. For the first time ever at Bobby's house I felt like I didn't belong. I managed to slip to bed undetected. I'm ashamed to admit, but I think I cried.

The next morning the two of us got up and ready for school, I was determined to do well, determined to learn to read better so I could sit with them and read the books and learn how to do more research. So I can be useful, important.

I worked hard for the next couple of weeks, harder than I've ever worked for anything in my whole 14 years of life. I asked for extra reading homework, I asked for teachers to stay after school with me, I did everything I could think of. And nothing seemed to work. I still struggled and Sam still spent time with Bobby every night going over stuff that no 10 year old should be smart enough to know about or be able to read. I kept trying though. Every day, every night, whatever I could do I tried.

***

"Bobby, Dean's locked himself in the room upstairs." Sam informed me one evening.

"What did he say when you knocked?" Dean was probably up there with a skin mag doing something he shouldn't and just didn't want his little brother intruding on his private time.

"Just said go away Sam."

"He says that a lot son. No need to worry."

"But he sounded like he was crying. Dean never sounds like he cries. Dean doesn't cry." Sam's brows were knit together in confusion and worry. He looked up the stairs and back at me, his eyes were so full of worry that it sort of got me worried. "Can you do something?"

"I'll get your brother's ass back in gear. Don't you worry Sam. Go on and get the book on ghosts that we were reading last night. Start without me." Sam nodded and slowly moved towards the living room glancing back towards the stairs every now and then.

I trudged my way up the stairs, mumbling about how that kid needed to be more considerate of others and how he needed to not worry his kid brother. I got to the door and knocked.

"Go away Sam." Dean called. Sam was right, Dean did sound like he was crying.

"Dean it's Bobby." I heard a giant sniff. "Can I come in?"

"It's your house." So it was. I opened the door, and in the center of a tornado of paper and books was Dean, red eyed and sad.

"What in the hell happened here?" and with that tears, tears I didn't know Dean Winchester knew how to shed, rolled down his face and he frustratedly threw the pencil in his hands down on the floor and looked up at me.

"I can't be like Sam!" he yelled. "I'm not smart like Sam. I'll never be good at reading. I'll never be as nice as Sam, I'll never be anything like him! I've tried and tried. I tried making friends, the one kid I thought I'd made friends with, invited me over to his house and his mom pulled him aside and asked him loud enough for me to hear why he brought home a hoodlum, I just left and didn't talk to him again. I've tried being smart. I've asked to stay after school, I've gotten as much help from Mrs. Tander as she can take. I've made that woman stay after school for hours and hours and I still cant' bring home a grade better than a C!" he threw paper and began throwing text books screaming wordlessly as he did so. I moved into the center of the tornado, dodging paper, pens, pencils, books anything that Dean could use as a projectile. I grabbed him pinning his arms and pulling him into my chest.

"Son. Son. Calm down." Dean took several deep breaths and calmed down. He pulled away and looked up at me with eyes so green that they rivaled the grass outside. He rubbed a fist into them and took a deep shuddering breath.

"I'm sorry." He said and looked around the room. "I'll clean up my mess."

"Dean?"

"I'm sorry." He repeated and dropped to his knees and began to clean the room. He wasn't going to say another word. I noticed the last time he was here that he was learning how to lock down his emotions, and what scares me most is that he is getting really good at it.

I struggled to find things to say, and finally, lamely said "Dinner will be ready in an hour." Dean nodded.

"I'll have the room cleaned up by then." He said and wiped at his face with the back of his hand. I watched him for a moment, sighed, and left the room. Sam was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. He had heard Dean screaming.

"Is he okay?"

"He says he is." Sam looked back up the stairs and then at me. "Come on kiddo, let's get that book, and you read it to me while I make supper. Sam reluctantly nodded and followed me into the kitchen.

***

Just like every night Dean reminded me to brush my teeth before bed, like I was too small to remember to do it on my own. Tonight I didn't make a fuss, I just did as I was told. Dean had lost something today. There wasn't fight to him anymore, he was like a balloon that the air had been let out of, and I didn't like it. My brother was big, bigger than everything, and today he looked small. I wonder if it had anything to do with that paper he was holding when I met him to walk home. He kept starring at it like something on the page was going to jump off of it. When I asked he said it was nothing, when I grabbed for it he shoved it in his bookbag and told me to mind my own business. I'm always supposed to tell him what's wrong with me, why won't he tell me what's wrong with him? I got into my bed and pulled the covers up. Dean did the same and turned out the light.

"Dean?"

"What Sammy?"

"What's wrong."

"Nothing Sam. Mind your own damn business."

That was not the answer I wanted. I sighed. Rolled over, mad that he wouldn't talk to me. Then I thought about it, and remembered some of what Dean had been yelling when Bobby was up here. He said he wasn't like me, that no matter how hard he tried he wouldn't be like me. I didn't want my big brother to be like me. I wanted him to be like him. I wanted him to be loud and annoying and the one who will protect me. I don't want him scared, and worried, and feeling like he's a freak all of the time. I don't want him to be like me.

"Dean?" I tried again.

He sighed loudly and replied. "What Sammy?"

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say something to make him feel better. He always made me feel better when I was sad. He always knew exactly what to say. I wish I was that smart. I wish I knew how to make people feel better, how to take someone's sadness away.

I thought back to what I heard him screaming when Bobby went up to see him, and all I could think to say was, "I wish I was smart like you." Dean didn't say anything, he just huddled down into his sheets. I guess that wasn't the right thing to say either. But I really do wish that I was smart like Dean.


	2. Chapter 2

**Note: I am portraying Dean and a regular emotional high school kid. It might seem a tad out of character, but based upon After School Special and how knee jerk he was, in regards to other people, I feel this is appropriate. **

I hate the teacher's lounge. I hate it, I hate it, I. Hate. It. All we ever seem to do is tear each other and the kids down. Everyone has a problem with a kid, or several, or their classes aren't performing, or they can't figure out why no one can get the most complicated concept on the first try, because of course they should because they're teenagers not babies, so of course, we shouldn't have to teach them how to do it, they should just do it, poof! Like magic.

So, I especially detest the teacher's lounge at lunch, because EVERYONE is there, and EVEYRONE is unhappy about something. I eat in my classroom and do my best to keep away from the negativity, but today, like an idiot, I'd brought my lunch instead of bought and I needed to use the microwave. So I took a deep breath and opened the door and subjected myself to the mayhem.

"…the kid is an idiot. He doesn't know his ass from the ground does he Kelly?"

"It's not even that so much," Kelly started as she opened her no fat no sugar I've been trying to lose weight for half a century and can't yogurt. "He's a smart ass. He thinks that he's going to be able to get away with his charm and good looks for the rest of his life."

"I've got news for that kid, he ain't that pretty. He's going to need something floating around in his head if he's going to get anywhere in his life." Tilly said as she dug into her spinach salad, her attempt at eating healthy, but something told me that when she went home she ate like a friggin' horse. Could be because she's been on this diet for the entire time I've been working here and she's still heavy.

The door opened and closed and Jane entered, looking mad, and when she was mad, there was usually a kid that was close to a metaphysical bleed out, because she was sharp with her tongue in a way that a knife wasn't.

"What's the matter Jane?" Connie asked. I was so thankful then that the microwave opened up, and I put my meal inside and set it for the six minutes it called for.

"That little son of a bitch called me a bitch." I tried to keep my face neutral. I've called her a bitch many many times, just never to her face. Kinda gives the kid, whoever it is, brownie points in my head.

"Who?" Martha answered.

"Dean Winchester." I grew suspicious. Dean wasn't like that.

"That's who we were just talking about." Tilly supplied. "The kid is useless." A small seed of rage was planted deep inside my belly with that comment.

"Don't I know it!" Jane said as she went to the refrigerator and retrieved her lunch bag. "That little sob was disrupting my class—" Disrupting meant doing anything other than lightly breathing in her class, a lot of kids got in trouble for 'disrupting Mrs. Oliver's class'. That in itself didn't mean a great deal. "And then he argued. And I told him that this wasn't a democracy and that this was my class and you do not disrupt my class and if he was going to behave like that he could simply go to the office. He walked to the front of the room and looked at me and said 'you do know you are a bitch. Go get laid or something." I wanted to laugh. Everyone else in the room took the appropriate gasp, but I wanted to giggle. I had thought something similar.

"So, I sent him to the office, and I just got back. I'm going to get that boy expelled. He shouldn't be here in the first place. He is nothing but an uneducated, uncouth, unmannered….boy. And he reads at like a second grade level…."

"Sixth actually…" I spoke up. I couldn't let Dean be bashed. I liked the kid.

"Oh. Is he one of your pets Amy?" I felt the seed or rage begin to blossom.

"He is not one of my pets."

"But you like him?"

"I do. He's a good kid. He's smart." I heard several snorts.

"Yeah, maybe in a third world country." I stood straighter and glared at Jane.

"No. He's smart. He's a good kid. He tries…"

"Maybe for you…..He just screwed around in the rest of his classes."

"Whatever." I said as the microwave dinged. I turned, retrieved my meal.

"What's a shame is that his little brother is so sweet. Samantha has him in the sixth grade, and she says he's so smart and charming, and just a great kid. I always tell her be thankful you never had the brother."

I slammed the door before I could hear the rest of the conversation. Dean Winchester wasn't stupid. He just needed help.

***

Dean came to my class contrite. Jane had managed to get him into trouble, he would be in In School Suspension for the next three days. I had gotten word from the ISS teacher, she wanted his homework for the next several days.

The punishment seemed to weigh heavily on the normally charismatic youth. He was usually the one that would offer a funny comment or answer the question in a unique way that usually bread discussion and got my class jump started in the morning. I enjoyed having Dean in my class, enjoyed seeing him every day, and I even enjoyed spending hours after school teaching him how to read. The poor kid had missed so many fundamentals along the way that now at 14 years old he had a difficult time reading beyond the basics and had a difficult time expressing those thoughts on paper.

When he first got here, I thought that I should recommend him for special education, that maybe he was learning disabled and needed the help of a class for kids like him, but then, the day I was filing out the paper work for that recommendation, he came up to me, after school, no Freshman seeks out any teacher their freshman year, and asked me to help him learn to read. That sent me on a mission, I looked up his file saw the ridiculous number of schools he had attended and understood the problem. Dean simply needed help. He wasn't learning disabled, he wasn't anything but behind.

So, today, when Dean didn't say anything in class, didn't offer a pencil to Dylan two seats over when he expressed, loudly and without couth to the class that he needed a pencil, and didn't come to my desk first thing and ask me how I was doing, or offer me a smile, I knew something was wrong.

"Dean?" I called as the students were filing out of my room. He turned, and his eyes were cast down.

"Yeah Teach?"

"I'll see you at 3 right?"

He fidgeted for a second. "Naw. You go on home. I'm sure you got better things to do."

"But, Dean, that's my job. I brought doughnuts for us. Thought that would be a nice reward for all of your hard work."

He licked his lips, adjusted the book bag on his shoulders and shook his head. "Naw. I'm not going to waste your time any more. I'm just stupid." And with that he disappeared, and my heart broke. Last week, he learned how to read something new, was so proud of himself, and then…then…what happened?

***

The door opened and shut and I heard Sam chattering to Dean, telling him about a science test he'd aced, and the book they were reading in school. Dean was responding appropriately, and that caught me off guard. It was Monday, Dean usually stayed after school on Monday and his English teacher tutored him.

"Hey boys." I greeted. Sam enthusiastically greeted me and Dean bowed his head and started to head for the stairs. Something was wrong with the boy and I wish I knew what it was. Ever since he got here this time, he acted different. Didn't talk to me, and hid as often as he could, then there was the whole outburst the other night. I don't know what's going through his head.

"Dean?" I called. He turned.

"Yeah, I'm in In School Suspension for the rest of the week. I called a teacher a bitch." He said. Sam gasped. That wasn't exactly what I was aiming for, but damn if that isn't a way to start a conversation.

"Why did you call her a bitch Dean?" Dean shrugged. "Come on son, that's not an answer." He shuffled his feet and looked up at me.

"The teacher was being mean to the girl next to me. The girl is slow, and she asks dumb questions, but she really doesn't know, and the teacher was just being mean, the girl was just about ready to cry, so I got the attention onto me."

If that wasn't strangely noble, I don't know what is. I wonder how a parent handles that. "Well, it seems as if the figured out the punishment. Is that why you are home early?"

"No. I don't want to waste any more of my English teacher's time."

"Dean?"

"Look, I'm not smart, I know it, end of story, I don't need to be reminded every second of every freaking day. She doesn't need to be stuck with the loser that is Dean Winchester. I hear the whispers at school, I know what teachers think of me. I'm stupid but not that stupid." He seethed and headed upstairs.

"Wait just a minute there young man!"

Dean turned around, looked at me, I could have sworn tears were in his eyes and he said, softly and calmly. "You two are going to talk about books, books I can't read, so there isn't really a point for me to stay down there. If you need someone to help with hunting or cars, call me, otherwise I'll do my homework and go to bed. I'm not hungry anyway." He said and hurried up the stairs with a hunter's speed. The door slammed and Sammy jumped. I turned to the little Winchester and saw that he had tears in his eyes too. He looked at me and then wiped them away. Boy, when had Dean turned into a full fledged teenager?

"We have to tell him he's wrong." Sam said from beside me.

"I know we do Sam. I just don't know how to do it."

"He's not stupid."

"I know he's not son. I know." I grabbed the youngest one close to me and gave him an one armed hug, I wish that I could be huggin' the eldest too, I wish that all it took. "Go get that book, and sit with me until supper."

Sam shook his head in my side. "No. I'm not going to read those books anymore."

"Sammy, he didn't mean that. He doesn't mean that you shouldn't read those books."

"Makes him feel stupid. I won't do it. If it hurt my feelings, he wouldn't do it. He does everything for me."

"He loves you."

"He's my brother." Sam said mirroring the Winchester lack of affectionate talk. I'm going to go upstairs."

***

I opened the door to the room that Dean and I share, he was sitting on the floor by his bed, his text books spread out all around him, and he was trying to get the homework done.

"What do you want Sammy?"

"I just wanted to see if you wanted to play a game or something."

"Feelin' the need to whip my ass at something?"

"No."

"Well, you know all of the games here are ones that I'm no good at….."

"I thought we could play poker or go fish or something."

Dean looked up into my eyes, and he was sad, and he was trying to figure out why I was saying what I was saying.

"Forget it Sam. Go read with Bobby, talk about books with Bobby, hell just go spend time with Bobby."

"Why don't you come down with me?"

"Forget it Sam. Just go."

"Dean…"

"Go!" Dean shouted.

"You never used to be this grumpy when we went to Bobby's. You were always nicer, and happier. That's why I like to come here! I hate it when you are like this!"

"I hate it when you take everything away from me, but we all can't have what we want, oh wait, yeah you can. That's right! Because you're smart, you're nice, you're sweet, everyone likes Sam Winchester, it's his weird, stupid, hoodlum brother they can't stand. GO! Just get out!" Dean screamed, Dean never screams at me. It scared me. I turned and ran, out of the room and down the stairs, and I heard the door slam behind me. Dean was mad, mad at me, because he didn't think he could be smart like me.


	3. Chapter 3

Today was Dean's first day in In School Suspension, and I felt his absences from my class acutely. It wasn't so much that I missed Dean's physical presence sitting in the third row, but it was that I knew what he wasn't in my room, and because his words last night weren't sitting really well with me.

That boy was anything but stupid. He obviously didn't know that, and honestly how could he with teachers like Jane making sure he was aware of just how not smart he truly was. My plan period is in the middle of the day, and when the last kid from my fourth period said good bye and my door closed I slumped down in my chair, and starred straight for a few moments. If I could just get Dean to let me tutor him some more, if I could just get Dean to work at it just a little longer, he would be all right, he would get it, he would be where he should be for a ninth grader.

I looked down on my desk, saw the Dean Koontz book I had purchased for him, the one that was just enough horror to keep Dean interested, and enough complex writing for him to learn something, and sighed. Then, like the light bulb that I wait to go off for my students, I realized that perhaps ISS wasn't the worst thing that could be happening to Dean right now.

I packed up a few necessary things, and I made a trip to the ISS classroom, I was going to teach Dean Winchester.

The look of astonishment on Dean's face was almost comical when he saw me come through the door. I felt his confused eyes watch me as I went to the ISS teacher and told her that I would take Dean back to my room for 5th period and tutor him in reading and I would bring him back before the bell. She hesitated, but then released the boy into my care. I have no idea if what I'm doing is legal, or even right, but it is the only way I know how to get this boy educated.

I headed over to Dean and his cocked his head to one side, and I knelt in front of his desk. "What are you doin' here Teach?"

"You're going to serve 5th period in my room, and we are going to do some more reading."

He sighed and shook his head. "Teach, no, you could get in trouble for that."

"That's my problem."

"No. No. I told you. I don't need to learn to read. I'm too stupid. That's the end of it. Why won't you just leave it?"

"Because you aren't stupid. I don't know what has crawled into your brain and nestled itself in there to suddenly make you decide that you are too stupid, but whatever it is, it's wrong. You are bright Dean, remarkably so. I just need to give you the tools. I mean, you like cars right?" Dean nodded. "Well a car isn't a car until they put all of the pieces in it right?" Dean smiled.

"You don't know much about cars do you?"

"No." I grinned sheepishly. "I know where the gas peddle is, and where the radio is. The rest of it is just all pretty, and then someone else opens it and figures out why it makes noises it shouldn't." Dean continued to smile and shake his head.

"Teach. There is a lot more to cars then that."

"And there is a lot more to being smart than being able to fill out worksheets." I had him there and he knew it. He looked down at his paper and then back at me.

"Okay. But I think we should stay here. Gotta keep up appearances."

"Yes sir." And I pulled a desk in front of his and I put the reader in front of him and we began again, sounding out unfamiliar words, learning rules of language and reading.

***

Dean was waiting for me outside of school when I left. I was sorta afraid he wouldn't meet me after school anymore, I mean after what he said to me last night, and the quiet morning, I was pretty sure hated me now. I don't' like that. I don't ever want Dean to be so mad at me that he won't speak to me, or send me away. That would be horrible. So, when I saw him standing by the flag pole, where he always was, I was so happy I ran to my brother.

"Hey kid." He said with a smile and we began to walk.

"Hey!"

"How was school?"

"You're not mad at me anymore?"

"Naw. I'm sorry for yelling at you last night. I shouldn't have done that."

"So you aren't going to never talk to me?"

"Nope. I wouldn't ever not talk to you Sammy."

"Okay. Good. I was scared."

"No matter how mad I am Sammy, I've always got your back."

"Okay." I thought for a minute. "Then why did you yell at me last night and tell me to get out?" Dean looked down as we walked and shrugged his shoulders.

"You always tell me that shrugging my shoulders isn't an answer."

"Gonna use my own words against me huh squirt?" I glared at him. He laughed a little at me and shrugged again.

"I'm just mad I guess."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"You tell me that's not an answer either."

"God, you remember everything don't you?" He asked aggravated.

"I guess."

"I'm not mad at you Sam. I'm mad that I'm….I don't know….a loser."

My big brother, my protector was anything but a loser, and hearing him say that about himself made me angry. "You are not a loser."

"Yeah, right whatever." He sighed real big and said, "One day Sammy, you'll realize that I am a loser, and when you do you'll leave me and quit talking to me, and become someone important and won't care about me anymore. That's just how it's going to go."

"No it won't Dean."

"It will Sammy, trust me. You're too little to understand right now. But one day, you will realize just how stupid your big brother really is and you won't want to be around me either. I'm too hard to deal with Sam. Just ask anyone. I require….too much work." He patted me on the back. "Come on kiddo, how was school?" I turned and looked up at my brother amazed.

"What?"

"Was school okay today?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I huffed and started walking faster than Dean.

Dean grabbed my book bag by the little loop, and jerked me back to his position. His eyes were angry, and when he's angry they are super green, it was always a little scary. "Don't do that Sam."

"What?"

"Don't you go all quiet on me. You had a good day at school, and I want to hear about it. That's the deal. We tell each other everything. We're brothers." His eyes were serious. I don't understand my brother lately. I simply do not. It was like he changed into someone I don't' know, and then there are little windows where my brother shows back up. I don't know what to do. One minute he's telling me that one day I won't want to speak to him anymore and the next he's telling me we are brothers and that we tell each other everything. I'm starting to wonder if that means, I tell him everything, and he says nothing and just thinks we've talked about his problems, or talked about what is bothering him.

"Come on Sammy. What did you do today?" I looked back at him and sighed.

"I got an A on the science test I took yesterday…." Dean nodded and smiled, and poked me to continue, and I did all of the way home, and I chattered about school, my teachers, and my class mates, and Dean smiled, laughed and talked to me about my day. It was just like before we got here. But the moment we got to Bobby's house, he got quiet, and the weird quiet angry person that had taken over my big brother came back, and he shoved his hands in his coat pocket and made a b-line for the stairs. I guess he was done with me. And it must be that only little brothers have to say everything, big brothers must not have to.

***

"Dean. come on. Time to go work on your homework."

"I'm done."

"Dean, come on. You have studying to do."

"No. I don't."

"Dean. Come on. Up. Now."

"I don't' have any homework. I don't want to study. I want to stay right here and watch television."

"You aren't going to get an education by sitting there."

"What does it matter?"

"You have to get a high school degree."

"Last time I checked a ghost didn't ask to see your credentials before you offed it."

"Dean. There is more to this world than hunting."

"Maybe for Sam." He mumbled.

"Dean. Get up, get your books and get in the kitchen so I can help you study."

"What? You think I'm some kid, who needs his daddy to help him study because he's too much of an idiot to do it himself?" Dean was on his feet, I hadn't noticed just how much he'd grown lately. He was all legs and arms and danger.

"No. I think you need to quit acting like a spoiled brat and do what you're told."

"Yeah. Of course. I'm spoiled. I forgot, I got everything I wanted this year for Christmas."

"Dean Aaron Winchester! Get your ass up stairs and get your school stuff…."

"Or what? You going to kick me out? Go ahead. You've wanted to do it since I got here. So, just go ahead."

"What in the hell are you talking about Dean? I don't want to kick you out."

"Sure you don't." Dean's eyes flicked behind me for a second and I turned, Sam was standing in the doorway watching the exchange. Dean turned back to me and I to him and he whispered. "The only reason anyone keeps me around is because of him." And he took off for the stairs, and the door slammed.

"I don't know Uncle Bobby." Sam said softly from the doorway. God, I wish I knew what was wrong, what I did wrong, that made Dean so angry.


	4. Chapter 4

I made my way up to the ISS room, and smiled at the teacher when I entered and I sat down in front of Dean.

"Hey!" I said as I began unloading my bag. Dean looked up, and his eyes were sad. "What's the matter Dean?"

"Why are you here?" He asked sadly.

"I'm here to teach you."

"None of my other teachers do. What? Did you draw the short straw or something?" I was taken aback. Had so few done things for him just to do them that he was suspicious of anyone who tried.

"No. I didn't draw the short straw." I shrugged. "It's my job. And you are so far behind as it is, you can't afford to lose any time. And we are supposed to meet after school and you haven't been coming, so I figured I'd come to you." I said as spread out my materials on the desk in front of me.

"You want to be here?" I nodded as I searched for the book I wanted in my book bag. "You aren't getting like hazard pay for this?" he asked.

I laughed. "No. No hazard pay. Just wanted to get you all caught up." He looked at me with something akin to disbelief and sat back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest. "You mentioned that you love a good horror movie."

"So?"

"Wondered what you thought of the movie "It"?" He looked up me through his long lashes and thought about his answer.

"Yeah. So?"

"I found the book yesterday. And I thought we could read it together and talk about it." I pushed the book in front of him and his eyes grew exponentially at the size of the book.

"Come on. I can't read that. You know that! Are you trying to make fun of me too?"

"Nope." I said calmly.

"Right." He said and leaned back against the chair again. "Just leave me alone."

"Dean…"

"I said leave me alone! Do you have a hearing problem or something. Get out of my face!!" He screamed. The ISS teacher stood, I put a hand up and stopped her.

"Okay Dean. I'll come back tomorrow—"

"Don't bother."

"I'll come back tomorrow. I'll read chapter one. I hope you do the same."

"Whatever." Dean said and avoided my eyes. He was mad, humiliated, and I wished to high heaven there was something I could do, the most I could do was hope.

***

"Uncle Bobby?" Sam asked as they were sitting in the living room reading a book on the various kinds of ghosts and the best way to eliminate them.

"Yeah, kid?"

"Why haven't you gone out to the garage and worked on fixing cars with Dean?"

"What?"

"Well, I was thinking. When Dad told us that we would be staying with you for the rest of the school year, Dean was so excited, he talked and talked about getting to spend time with you and the cars. I think that's why Dean likes coming here."

"This just hit you today? What did he say?"

"Dean didn't say anything."

"Sam you aren't a good liar." Sam huffed and glared at Bobby.

"He didn't say anything. I was just thinking today. And that's what I thought. I think he thinks you are the only person who likes him, and since we've gotten here you haven't spent any time with him, so maybe he thinks that you don't like him anymore.

"Well that ain't true."

"I bet that's what he thinks. Maybe that's why he's tryin' so hard in school, maybe he wants you to spend time with him like you do me…." And right there was the core of it. Now I feel like pond scum.


	5. Chapter 5

I shouldn't have yelled at Teach today. But, she should know that I can't read a book that thick. I struggle just to read the text book, what in the hell is she thinking? She really must be making fun of me, there isn't any other explanation. There just can't be. I don't even get why she comes and spends time trying to help me. I wonder if there is a quota or something, maybe she needs to reach out to so many hard luck cases per year in order to get a raise. God knows she just doesn't do it out of the kindness of her heart. No one spends time with me just because they like to.

I didn't want to go back to Bobby's house. I just didn't want to watch him teach Sam Latin, and watch them pour over ancient texts and watch them ohh and ahhh over things that I will probably never understand. Dad and Bobby tried to teach me the basics of Latin, needless to day it just didn't take. Sam understood all of it though. He was only 10, well, almost 11, and I was two days from 15 and I can't for the life of me learn what Sam can learn in a day in a year. Whatever.

I took the long way home. I walked down the railroad tracks, I made sure to walk on the wrong side of the tracks, it just seemed more right. I walked into town, I stood in front of the comic books in the book store and read about superheroes and dreamed that one day I would be the big guy with the muscles and the girls and the respect. No one ever asked the superheroes if they understood Shakespeare, or if they understood why the constitution was written, all they cared about was helping people. No one made them feel unwanted or said that they were too difficult to deal with. People loved them for what they did, for who they were. Even their alter egos who were either blind, or maybe paralyzed, or even nerdy, they were all loved and liked for who they were. Gosh. One day I wish I could be like them.

I went everywhere and anywhere just so I didn't have to go back, didn't have to be reminded for the rest of the day how I wasn't like Sam, and how yet another adult in my life has decided that Sam is the better person, the better everything. I always thought I was Bobby's favorite. I really really should have known that it was just a matter of time.

SNSNSNSNSN

Worried was the word for the feelings that were just blasting through me. That stupid son of a bitch hadn't come home yet. He simply told Sam to go on home without him, that'd he'd be back by dinner. Well hell dinner had come and gone and he still wasn't here. I have half a mind to kick that little son of a bitch's ass when he walks through that door.

I've called in favors all over the state. If anyone even sees a glimpse of Dean Winchester they will pick up the kid, kicking and screaming if they have to, but they will pick him up and bring him back here.

Then I heard it. I heard the door knob turn on the back door. I was at it in a flash, and I threw open the door and there stood Dean, wide eyed and stunned.

"Where have you been boy! Do you know how many things out there could have eaten you? How many people could have just taken you off of the street and hurt you?"

The little shit just shrugged and walked through the door, dropped his bookbag next to the sink and went to wash his hands. He acted like nothing had happened, like it wasn't going on midnight and he had just now decided to step foot through the house.

"Dean Michael Winchester where in God's name have you been?"

"Around. What's it matter?" he asked, snotty tone that has been in his voice since he got here ever present. I wanted to smack that clean out of him.

"It matters a lot."

"What? Sammy want something and I wasn't around to give it to him?" I had to count to ten before I screamed at the kid. If Sam was right, all Dean wanted was to be thought important.

"No. He's worried sick, so sick he started to cry. And I've been worried too. Called hell and half of Georgia looking for you. I went out looking for you. Had to leave Sam here alone just in case you wandered in. Don't you ever make me worry about you like that."

"You weren't worried about me. You were worried that Dad would be mad, or that Sam wouldn't have a babysitter. You weren't worried about me."

"No. I was worried about you Dean. You. Not things…" I made a vague gesture with my hands indicating all of the stuff that surrounded Dean. "I was worried about you."

Dean gave me big eyes and leaned against the counter. "You can't tell me you didn't think that it would have been pretty okay if I just simply never came back? I mean, I'm not someone you like to have around. I'm not a nice person, I'm loud, I talk to much, I argue, I think I'm right all of the time…I'm not smart like Sam…"

"No son. You aren't smart like Sam." Dean's eyes watered. And he kept them wide so tears wouldn't fall from them. "You are smart like you. And is that what this attitude is all about? You don't think I like having you here?"

"You don't'. You spend all of your time with Sam. Sam can learn Latin, Sam can read better than I can, Sam is nicer than I am, Sam is just a better person. Everyone likes to spend more time with Sam. Even Dad…Why shouldn't you?"

My God, who would have guessed that this strong willed no nonsense wise cracking ingenious innocent kid would be so insecure?

"You need to get your head out of your ass there little man. Just because someone spends a little time with…"

"A little time! You haven't spent one second with me except to yell at me!" Crap. Kid was right.

"I'm sorry Dean." I said finally. That stopped his anger dead in its tracks.

"What?" he asked softly.

"I said I'm sorry."

SNSNSNSNSN

Bobby just said he was sorry. To me. No one ever says that they are sorry to me. They always tell me that if I wasn't such a (fill in the blank) that that wouldn't have happened or that they wouldn't have had to say that to me. This was the first time someone has apologized to me.

"You okay son?" Bobby asked. I must have been standing there looking like a dumb ass.

"Yeah." My voice was quiet even to my own ears. I cleared my throat and repeated "Yeah."

"Good. Now, tomorrow after school you are to come right home. You are grounded. You will come home and I'm going to have to put you to work in the salvage yard." I sniffed and wiped my arm across my nose and nodded.

"Yes sir."

"Now get up there and wash up and go to bed."

"Yes sir." I took my bag and headed up the stairs. Sammy was sitting on my bed when I got in. He looked at me with watery eyes. They were swollen and he was scared.

"Where have you been?"

SNSNSNSN

I was so scared when Dean didn't come home. And I knew that it was sorta about me. If I wasn't so smart, if I hadn't taken up Bobby's time, he would have come home, he wouldn't have been out there maybe eaten by a monster or kidnapped by a deranged murderer, he would have been here laughing and joking with Bobby about something I didn't understand. But that would have been better than starring out the window, waiting for my brother, or running down to the end of the driveway and looking for him, or just flat out being so scared I wanted to scream.

But he's home now. He's in the bathroom washing up, the water turns off, and I hear him walking towards the room, the door creaks open and he steps through. I turn to him, and ask, "Where have you been?"

I swipe at my nose with the back of my sleeve.

"I was out. I just didn't want to come home."

"Why?"

Dean shrugged. "You tell me that's not an answer."

"I didn't want to watch Bobby teach you Latin. He tried to teach me last year, I'm just not smart enough." He looked down at his hands and then at me. "But that was selfish. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have scared you or Bobby."

I couldn't hold it in anymore. I burst out crying and threw myself into his lap. "What would have happened to me if you didn't come back?"

"What do you mean Sammy? You would have been just fine with Dad and Bobby."

"No I wouldn't. How would I have eaten when Dad left? I don't know how to get money, I don't know how to make people not call Child Services, I don't know how to make it on my own. That's what you do. That's your job. I don't know how to do that stuff. People would have come and taken me away." It was all true. I didn't have those smarts. I wasn't smart like Dean.

Dean put a hand on my head and then he gave me a hug. The older I got the fewer hugs I got, I pushed into it with all I had.

"I'm sorry little brother. I didn't think about it that way. I just thought it wouldn't matter."

"It matters." I said. "It matters to me." He patted my hair down again and he hugged me tighter.


End file.
